We’d just spent the entire day driving back from my parents’ house in Winnipeg. He held my hand the entire way. It was such a beautiful time of life. We had an eight month old daughter

 

“We’d just spent the entire day driving back from my parents’ house in Winnipeg. He held my hand the entire way. It was such a beautiful time of life. We had an eight month old daughter. He loved that little girl so much. You could tell by the way he looked at her. Absolute adoration. We always used to argue over who’d get to bathe her. He was the one who put her to sleep that night. I remember he came downstairs and told me that he’d said ‘goodbye’ to the baby. I said: ‘You mean “goodnight,’ not ‘goodbye.’ Then he told me that he loved me. And we both went to bed— I thought. The next morning I found him in the garage. It looked like he was just standing there. My neighbor said I screamed like a wounded animal. My God I was traumatized. I never slept another night in that house. It was two years before I could sleep at all. I dropped from a size twelve to a size six. At the time I fucking hated his guts. I mean c’mon, this baby wasn’t an accident. We committed to this. Our daughter needed him. And it was all so humiliating. Everyone knew that my husband had hung himself in my garage. Apparently I was so insignificant as a human being– so abhorrent, that my own husband felt the need to take his own life. My privacy was gone. There was no front stage and back stage anymore. Everyone knew the worst thing about me. And I figured that if I could handle that, I could handle anything. I transformed myself. I became more courageous. More extroverted. I went back to university and got my Masters. Now I work as an expert witness in custody cases. I think that two people died on that day. Blair, and the woman who was terrified to live without him.”
(Toronto, Canada)

I used heroin for ten years. It wasn’t a very good life, as you’d expect. I had my son taken from me. I lost my job at the Fiat factory. I spent all my time trying to find money

I spent thirty-six years as an editor at the New York Times. There were so many rounds of layoffs, and so many buyout opportunities– but I kept turning them down. I was terrified of retirement